Crisis of Faith by Rick Mullin

Crisis of Faith

I can’t believe anyone pays us a nickel
for putting an oar in the Enterprise Space.
Our white paper’s not up to wrapping a pickle,

the boxplots are blotto, the figures are fickle,
our Cartesian pie charts are wrong on their face.
I can’t believe anyone pays us a nickel.

It’s Hammer & Champy meets Hammer & Sickle,
it’s reengineer with Saber & Mace.
Our white paper’s not up to wrapping a pickle,

so everything’s coming up higgeldey-jickel.
Our global perspective’s all over the place.
I can’t believe anyone pays us a nickel.

These robust solutions are murky and mickel,
a worst-case scenario case after case.
Our white paper’s not up to wrapping a pickle,

its data work better when choked to a trickle,
it’s 85 slides, but I’ll cut to the chase.
I can’t believe anyone pays us a nickel.
Our white paper’s not up to wrapping a pickle.

by Rick Mullin

Editor’s Note: A villanelle with impeccable punctuation, meter, rhyme, and humor is a rare creature. Enjoy!