Smells Like Teen Spirit
Mary Anne was prima in a pink tutu
and pink toe shoes with crisscross ribbons.
I wore a black leotard and pink tights,
black slippers with elastic bands.
Sliding glass doors let Florida
sunlight into her living room.
She was the swan
and I was the chorus,
but it was glorious, her mother,
father, and mother’s friend,
clapping.
When Mary Anne moved away
I barely ate. I lost weight.
Mother praised my slim figure.
I lay awake late at night,
wishing I could dance
away from my bedroom
with its high jalousie windows.
I eavesdropped on snippets
of my parents’ conversation
mixed with laughter
from The Tonight Show.
I said hello
to the death songs inside me.
I caressed the safety razor
I used to shave my legs.
I couldn’t force myself
to carve the flesh of my wrists.
I asked my mother
to move so I could reach
the cabinet under the kitchen sink:
I’ll drink Drano.
I’ll kill myself.
No, you won’t, said Mother
and told me to set the table.
by Mish (Eileen) Murphy from Evil Me (Blood Pudding Press 2020)
Cover art, Four Eyes in the Water, by Mish (Eileen) Murphy
Book design by Juliet Cook/Blood Pudding Press
Buy Link: https://www.etsy.com/listing/856406887/evil-me-by-mish-2020-blood-pudding-press
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