Saturday book feature — The Living Law by Jesse Keith Butler

The Life We Chose

It’s nice to share a bed again,
even if it’s just like this—
jammed on this twin mattress, in
a room our toddler’s claimed as his.
He lies in a triumphant sprawl,
with starred-out arms and legs and head.
He somehow spreads to smother all
the surface of our double bed.
But we’re just happy he’s asleep,
and maybe soon we might be too.
And, crammed right up against your hip,
I’m thankful to be next to you.

Our other kid’s in his own room
asleep, but soon, like every night,
he’ll wake and call for me to come.
There’s not much I can do but wait.
And when he calls of course I’ll go,
and once I’m there I’ll probably stay—
collapsed, exhausted—though I’ll know
you’re right here—just a room away.
So even though I doubt I’ll sleep
wedged on this mattress on the floor,
this moment’s one I want to keep.
I’ll lie here just a little more.

We’ve made our choices. What we chose
is this. We’ll see what this can be
with time and love. Tomorrow is
our ten-year anniversary.
Life moves so fast, but it’s immense.
It’s rolled out like a long cascade
of choices, sometimes packed so dense
we’re not quite certain which we’ve made.
But here it’s brought us—to our sons,
and to this hollow, dragging night.
Some choices you don’t make just once—
you choose and then you hold on tight.

Is there another life we could
have chosen? I don’t think I care.
How would it do us any good
to have a life unlived out there?
Each choice is like an offramp burned,
or like a seed that falls and dies.
Some were intended, others weren’t,
but I won’t wish them otherwise.
When dawn creeps round our blackout blinds,
I’ll face it thankful you’re my wife.
Whatever flaws the fresh day finds,
I’ll choose and choose and choose this life.

A kid’s voice whimpers from the dark.
You stir—you’d just begun to doze.
The voice fades out and you sink back
to sleep. This is the life we chose.
And though there’s always more to do,
as we rush round from task to task,
we’re raising up an answer to
the questions there’s no time to ask—
like what our life’s created of,
and what our life’s created for.
These choices build to form our love.
I’ll lie here just a little more.

by Jesse Keith Butler, from The Living Law (Darkly Bright Press, 2024)

Photo Credit: Kat Butler

Buy link: https://darklybrightpress.com/the-living-law-2/